Me, a Model?

A curious thing has been happening recently. People have been asking me if I was ever a model or if I ever thought about being a model. The first time was with my cousin. I home for Thanksgiving, was visiting her work office, and walked by the kitchen where she was having lunch. She didn't recognize me. She thought I was possibly a model there for a photo shoot.

Then, at Jeanne's birthday karaoke party last month, her co-worker asked if I used to be a model. I scoffed and said no. And, she was like, "But you're so tall and pretty."

And, today, as I was taking a lunch-time walk along the wharf, a random guy on the corner started to talking to me.

Random Guy: Excuse me.
Me: Yes.
RG: How tall are you?
Me: Um, in these shoes, six feet?
RG: Really? I thought so. You're tall. You can model.
Me: Oh, I'm not thin enough. [Insert picture of me rubbing my belly here.]
RG: You should.
Me: Um, okay, thanks. Have a good day.

As flattering as it may, I find it all a little weird. Sure, it's nice to be thought of as pretty and lean enough to be a model, but being pretty and thin have never been things I identified with. This is not to say that I have self-esteem issues and think I a hideous tub of lard. Rather, I've always identified with other aspects that I thought more important, like being smart, funny, and kind. I don't think I'm fat either, though that part of me who will always be an awkward, chubby kid rears its head every now and then, but I know I'm not model thin. Standing barefoot at 5'11", weighing 155 pounds, and having a BMI of 21.6, I know that I am a healthy size and that I live a healthy life.

Though people questioning my model-ability may seem irrelevant to my more fit, less fat goals, my more fit, less fat plans have not only been helping me reshape my body but my opinions about it too. I walk a little taller and have even embraced my height more (I wore and danced all night in 3" heels, while towering over all other guests, at Erin's wedding in August). I have been less self-conscious about being seen in my short shorts and tank tops or being naked around other people (I am not going to become a nudist, however). I've been feeling, overall, more confident.

I've been thinking more about these issues because of my students and what I see them doing. I've had teenage girls sit in my office and put on blush or line their eyes with pencil, when they are absolutely beautiful just as they are. I've had girls not eat all day (they'll also refuse my offers of fruit and granola bars, even though we can all hear their stomachs grumble) because they think they're fat, and then they'll wonder why they're tired and can't concentrate in class. I've had smart, outgoing, outspoken girls who are seemingly confident in all other aspects of their life be brought to tears because of their bodies.

I tell them about my story: how I used to be chubby, have braces, be almost a foot taller than all my friends in high school, and was awkward, and how I used to be so shy that I would be on the verge of tears if I ever had to speak in front of class. But, these students see the grown-up version of Susan who has no problem speaking on stage to hundreds of teenagers, who patiently listens to their concerns and helps them think about their futures, who laughs and jokes around with them, and who is stylish, hip, and attractive.

When I started this school year after being away for the summer, Linda, one of the school secretaries, told me how healthy I looked. I told her how I had a relaxing summer, how I started running again regularly, and how I was making a more concerted effort to make sure I was taking care of my body. She responded by saying how I was a good role model, especially for the female students who are so concerned about their bodies. Though I never thought of it, I am a really good role model. Not only did I go to college where many of my students hope to go and am happy doing the work I do, but I live a healthy lifestyle and am confident in myself, my abilities, and my body. I would be more than content if my students, especially the girls, would see me as a role model.